27 Oct 14 :: Oink

Impromptu dinner with the BFFs.

The moment we sat down, SQ was like "OMG, I move out of Toa Payoh then hooooowwww??!!" 

Cause she got her BTO out of Toa Payoh. And soon (probably not so soon lah), she'll move away to build her little love nest. She's a weird Sagittarius... she's probably the only Sagittarius that is willing to be "tied down".  

The rest of them are happy to be free & easy.

---

Tonight's topic was on courting girls... cus SQ was still bended on getting me attached to her friend.

1. "Will you go out with a guy if he direct ask you out?"

2. "...even if you have to work, will you push your work aside for him?"

3. "Is there any guy who keeps texting you, and you ignore his texts totally?"

4. "If a guy is aggressive and text you everyday, will you be irritated?"

To which, all my answers were that it would depend on whether I like the guy enough. 

I'm a hopeless romantic libra, who would do anything for L O V E.

But this love needs to come naturally. And it shouldn't take too long to come.

Then I realised, it would probably meant that I have accidentally "friend-zoned" the guys around me. It seems that because we have know each other for so long, I reckoned that if there would be sparks, it would have happened long ago. 

A friend told me recently, "Guys are stupid. If a girl spends time to talk to him, he would think that the girl is interested in him."

I realised today, I subconsciously stopped take the initiative to text any guy. Not wanting any one to feel special now.

Is this the fear of commitment? Or just that I am not ready to be in a relationship?

Or really, it's just cause the right guy have not appeared?

On a sidenote, Libras flirt *ahem* unknowingly. So I might be guilty of flirting... and giving people "hope". If guys are really that stupid, I might be breaking a few hearts.

---

Oh! The pig in the photo was to represent Joanna, who is in India at the moment. 

I'm selfish, cus I share.

I am in a weird place with myself recently.

Someone told me yesterday that I was too nice all the time. Too nice that it gives others pressure. 

Example:

I would willingly give up all the mushrooms to Cheryl, or the fish dumpling in my xiao guo mian… cus I know the other person likes it more than me. And I really don’t care about that dumpling.

But by doing so, it gives the person stress. Like I am giving in all the time. 

Instead, I SHOULD have shared half with the person. Or say that I don’t like it, “you want??”

This way, the person would feel more at ease.

Really?

6 Oct 14 :: The invisible force that makes people stupid

L O V E, that is. At least it made me stupid.

If you met me in my teens, you would hear me go on and on about "true love". My life revolved around my boyfriend. I was only 14. My only ambition was to be someone's wife.

By 15, a year into our relationship, he thought that I was cheating on him with the new kid in school. At 16, I messed up my O levels (at least I felt I could have done better), cause I was too busy trying to fixed my relationship. #MajorStupid1

---

At 17, after the 2 and a half years relationship ended, I moved on to start a relationship that lasted way longer than it should have. I/Love let him controlled my life. No short skirts, no guy friends, no sleeveless tops, no gatherings.

Even thought things changed later in our relationship, and he "returned" me my freedom, but by then my whole life changed. Knowing he wasn't The One, I left him and six years of my youth. #MajorStupid2

---

At 23, still young and reckless, dying to get out of a relationship, I accidentally fell in love again. I fell stupidly in love with a guy who had a track record of relationships that lasted no longer than three months; a recipe for a broken heart.

The relationship lasted officially for a year and a half, and unofficially for another two years after. In the two years, he loved, and left. And returned, and left again. I forgive and forget. Forgot that he cheated, he lied, met random girls, slept around, got drunk... one night, he slept in his puke at the bus stop below my home, a stranger answered my call on his phone. He could have been robbed, or kidnapped or killed that night.

After "breaking up" for 23573 times, I still stood by him, cus he made me believe he loves me.
#MajorStupid3

---

Every so often, I hear them say that I'm the best girlfriend that. That they loved me the most even till today. Even their family still invite me to their home to catch up. I wonder, did I really turn myself backwards to please these people?

Today, standing alone, I still believe in the four letter word. I hope I do.
I don't feel my heart. I can't listen to my brain.
I guess, someday, some nice guy will find that tiny corner in my heart.

But till then, I'm going to be smart for awhile.
Well, it's been 12 years since I was smart.

17 sept 14 :: Babies

Continuing my previous post about finding Mr Right...

Over dinner with Rachel, we concluded that it was too tiring for a woman to have to juggle her kid, her job and the housework at the same time. Not that it was not possible, but it was too much energy.

We concluded that the only way to make things work, was to:

(1) have a husband that would take care of everything, or 

(2) that the wife does not have to work to earn a living. 

I feel, the father of my kid needs to be someone who would take charge of our lives. Someone who could settle the electricity bill. Someone who would be able to keep me calm during pregnancy. And then take care of the kid when it's out. Then decides on the kid's school. Bring the kid out for McDonald's hotcakes. 

He needs to take control. Rachel said, I would forget my kid in the supermarket.

I kinda can't wait for him to appear... for us to start a life together. 

15 sept 14 :: Nails, more than a dream

Sharing the joy with the PinkRoom students this evening at the PinkRoom Graduation Ceremony. Brought me back to the time when I took my Diploma Examination! It was way back in 2011. How fast time flew, and it's been almost 4 years since my first day in The Pink Room International Nail Academy.

In the past 4 years, I have completed my Diploma in Professional Nail Technology course. Took part in the Diploma examination, and passed. Open a nail salon. Won 1st prize in an International competition. Became a PA of Singapore's number 1 Nail Guru, Rachel Tang. And in recent months, took and gotten the professional nailist license in Japan; held by the JNA Japan Nail Association. 

It started of as a hobby, then a dream... and today, a reality. Happy to see that everyone in PinkRoom took the un-traditional route and go chasing their dreams! Gambatte!!

Live for the moment

Ever thought... what if a car runs me down tomorrow, and it's too late to tell me the things you wanna say... do what we always wanted to do. Places we want to go.

Let me tell you a secret...

I said I didn't care, but it affected me a lot. RAWR~

Can't help but think... if I played the way you play, 你玩的起吗?

I made my choice not to, yet.

26 may :: woke up with a Panda beside me!

We went to McD drive thru to get breakfast before sending Charles to work~ me love a simple life like this.

Met up with Auch and Jo for lunch. Every one of us is in a complicated sticky situation in the love department. Lunch was a dumping ground for us to dump all our sorrows. Each with a different set of love story. One that no one will understand... no one will know why we are holding on. And what we are holding on to.

(32 minus 1) Signs I Am Dating A Keeper

 

1. You don’t have to wait three or more hours for a response for a simple text every time you send one.

2. They aren’t embarrassed or put out by introducing you to their friends/including you sometimes in their outings.

3. They are willing to give, or at least share, the last slice of pizza.

4. You are not afraid to be yourself around them — your strange humor, your occasionally awkward mannerisms, your interests in things that other people might consider a waste of time.

5. Even if what you like might not be their favorite thing, they are always willing to give things a try if they are important to you.

6. They don’t fill your Facebook wall with inappropriate “OMG baby it’s been almost a week! Miss u so much!”-esque posts, because no one deserves to have to look at that.

7. They respect not only you, but the people you love in your life — if they are super sweet to you but constantly ragging on your parents/friends, you need to cut them loose.

8. You are both able to communicate honestly with each other about your feelings and needs in the relationship without feeling like it’s going to turn into a horrible fight.

9. They are a firm, enthusiastic believer in cunnilingus.

10. You never feel as though they are slumming it or doing a favor by being with you.

11. They surprise you — and not just with random gifts of flowers or chocolate. They are evolving into a better person from being with you (just as you are with them).

12. You don’t have to have some extravagant night in an expensive restaurant in order to both enjoy the evening and feel appreciated.

13. There is never a question as to how they actually feel about you.

14. Sex isn’t used as a placeholder for other emotions that might not be there, or not be there in high enough quantities.

15. They are just as capable of having a ridiculous night in, eating junk food and watching crappy TV, as they are of shining up and attending an important event.

16. Your mom likes them.

17. You are capable of both doing your own thing from time to time without the other becoming irrationally jealous, suspicious, or angry.

18. There is never any doubt that they are thinking of you, that they consider your feelings, and that you are important to their life.

19. You both have generally similar visions of the future, and what you want out of life. (You don’t want there to come a moment where things can go no further because, say, one absolutely wants children and the other absolutely doesn’t.)

20. If you suffer a moment of weakness or need help with something, they are eager to support you and not shame you for being incapable of handling it on your own.

21. If they’re straight, they don’t say f*g, and if they’re white, they don’t say the n-word. (Any keeper needs basic home training.)

22. They don’t make fun of your taste in music/pop culture/entertainment. (Well, a little teasing is fine, but they shouldn’t be seriously judging you over it.)

23. They encourage and support you in pursuing your dreams in life.

24. You feel welcome and comfortable around their family — even if no future in-laws are perfect.

25. There aren’t any secrets between the two of you, or things about yourselves which you feel you need to seriously hide from one another. 

26. They are proud of you.

27. There is no pressure for either of you to adhere to strict, completely outdated gender roles — or a feeling that, if you don’t, the other isn’t attracted to you anymore.

28. Your friends enjoy being around them, and generally think that they are a cool person who is good for you.

29. They make you laugh, laugh so hard you can’t breathe, laugh so much that you don’t care if you’re doing your “ugly, weird, cackly/snorty laugh.” (And they love your laugh.)

30. You are capable of having thoughtful, intelligent discussions about subjects that — even if you don’t necessarily agree on the topic at hand — teach both of you something and remain respectful.

31. You feel fully comfortable around them naked, in bright afternoon light.

32. You reciprocate all of these things for them, and are excited at the prospect of being a better, smarter, more caring person because of the healthy way in which you love one another. 


It's checked for all, except the most important #19.
So I can't keep him any more.

==========================
Sep. 20, 2012 By Chelsea Fagan
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/32-signs-youre-dating-a-keeper/

#Silly

Why am I feeling bitter when it's his lost?

19 may :: -ve feelings

I am so grumpy,  negative, sarcastic, angry, suspicious, touchy, crybaby these days. Please bear with me...  I hope it's PMS.

Home all day, did some minor housework. Dinner and "The Great Gatsby" with Charles. I wished I could party like that.

Today pix of the day is Pink! A pretty sight when I woke up this morning.

Ps/ I hate going to bed feeling like crap.

Who am i?

"If you go club, a lot guys will buy you drinks.", he said confidently.

"But my friends don't club, and you don't want to bring me. I can't go alone.", I argued.

Wondering if what Rachel said is true. My past relationship with J (btw 17-23 years old) had forced me to become who he wants me to be and not what I really am.

So, the Chelsea you've been looking at is a shy butterfly because I've been hidden from the crowd during my blooming years. And now, causing me to have low self esteem and confidence.

Which I'm actually not, because I'm a Libra. And libras are sociable by nature. I shall care less about what people think of me, and be me.

I shall not care if people will judge me. They can hate me for all I care. Not everyone accepts the "nice" me anyway.

It's time to be stronger than "me".

#journeytofindingtherealme

泪在眼眶里打转~

Please give me the strength to be stronger... cus I'm running out of energy to hold on to what I want, losing the ability to fight.

After one year of fighting with my innerself and fate, maybe I'm tired and giving in...

Fifthteen

This date of the month is kinda sentimental to me for it marks the start of many special moments of our r/s. I was hoping something special will happen... but nope. Maybe, 就是这样而已~

I'm abnormal.

Someone told me recently that I'm not normal. They said it's okay to be normal once in awhile. It's okay to not sit so straight... to dig my nose (-.-")... to have more expressions... to be less perfect.

They said I'll come across aloof, and people will be afraid to talk to me.

I guess, it's okay to scream a little, dance in the rain, sing out loud, fart, pick my teeth, cry, laugh out loud, talk nonsense, to make an ugly face, to look fat, to get drunk...

Chill , babe!

13 Apr :: Greys in a black-&-white relationship

...Because I feel that we are threading in the grey areas~ there is no black or white, just everything that we probably shouldn't be doing...

We had Itacho cravings today! Drove down to Ion after work... The Q was crazy. Thankfully Charles started Q-ing while waiting for me to head over.

Went over to MBS later at night as the Pandora at Ion didn't had the charm I wanted. I exchanged the Heart charm with the white diamond that Cheryl bought me to a pink one!