x o x o, Chelsea: Panda

Showing posts with label Panda. Show all posts

28 Oct 14 :: Catfie

Cooooookie!!

I don't know why. But I was emo-ing the whole night. But now, I'm smiling to myself. I hope it's because my period it coming. Cus the mood swing is scaring me!

I think, my mood swung to the positive side cause I just bought a dress online.

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Work as usual today. I had dinner with Rachel over a short meeting.

Hungry now. Rawr.

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Facebook reminded me a little of my past today. It was a pix I took with my Principal of my nail academy (PinkRoom) Rachel at the Nailympics Asia nail competition in Korea back in 2012. I remember working very very hard for the competition. Then-boyfriend Charles was a dear and allowed me do nail extensions on him. He even promised a Prada bag if I got the top three prizes. Which I did. But he obviously didn't fulfil his promise.

I got first. I'm a champion. *winks*

Disconnected... for now.

I was feeling nostalgic recently cause it was Charles’s mom’s birthday few days ago. Or maybe cause there were Panda merchandise all over the Shanghai airport where I was in transit back to Singapore.

I guessed she knew we were no longer together. She didn’t say anything about Charles when I texted to wish her for her birthday. I could feel her smile as she gave me her blessings. That she genuinely cared for my well being.

When we were together, his Mom kinda wished we would be together forever. She talked a lot about planning for our future. She talked about getting a flat soon.

One afternoon at his place, she talked to me for hours. She talked about Charles as a kid. About the family. About her life. She talked about her overseas trip. It was a nice warm feeling. That afternoon, I learned a lot from her.

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Tonight, I looked through the couple app we had together. All the good and bad memories we recorded in it together. And then there were all the selfies we took together. Surprisingly, I smiled. Soon I realised the anger and hatred left me.

A little birdie told me that he is happy with his life now.

I won’t be pretentious and great to wish him happiness… If anything, I would wish him the power to be faithful. At times, I feel sad for him. Because even his friends did not have faith in him. They said,"he would do the same to her","you just wait and see". As though he was a worthless, lousy person.

Other times, I was actually worried for the girl he is seeing. The happier she is now, the harder she will fall. My relationship with him hardened my heart so much that I no longer feel any ounce of hurt when I found out he slept with another girl. It would be sad if another girl loses hope in love because of him. #Saying it out for the first time, since I no longer need to protect his image.

#beentheredonethat #livedtotellthetale

Maybe, if any girl survives three years with him and still feel happiness, I would give them my blessings. And probably a medal for having a heart as hard as mine.

My friends call me heartless, I chose to believe it's love. Then I realised... it's stupidity and a waste of time.

But if I were to choose, I would choose to do it all again in a heartbeat.

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ps: I actually have friends who believed that he would return after he had enough fun.

Hardening the panda heart

Everyone said my heart was too soft.

Tonight, I sat in the car a long time. Thinking who can I bitch to; one who would not judge the arse.

A mutual friend came up in my mind. After my round of venting & ranting, I managed to get the unhappiness out my system. The friend said,"I told you so", then he told me straight in the face that the arse was only using me as a filler. He assured me that I deserve better. He reminded me of the promise I made to him. This time was the last time.

I guess I feel so much better now that it's out of my system. All the crap and junk that I was keeping inside me for a long time cus I wanted to protect the image of the arse in my friends' eyes. To them, he was the prefect boyfriend.

I tried thinking really hard why we are the perfect couple. Other than how our names matched, and the intimacy we both enjoyed (the best, he said), I couldn't think if anything else to convince myself.

The arse said,"If I regret and come back to you, you can ignore me. I deserved it. I have myself to blame..."

I'll live with dignity, and live a better life. Just to watch him regret for his entire life. That he will never find someone who puts him as priority... Even if she does, she won't be able to accept the way he philanders.

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Posting this as a reminder to myself and the girls whose hearts he's gonna break....

It's heartbreaking how I could read him like a book. "Two months", I thought to myself when I received the following messages. It was EXACTLY that.

Told you not to try me...

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Read: 8 Reasons A Broken Heart Is The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You

28 sept 14 :: i ate non stop

Lunch with Godma, and family this afternoon at the Serangoon Garden Country Club. Guess it was a pre-birthday lunch since my Godparents would be away next week.

Dropped Mommy off at home before going to meet X for tea, and a little me-time at Strip.

Night ended with Charles. We went for Thai food at Orchard Towers... our usual hangout spot.

Oh. Mommy just said that she heard that Lavender Food Count is closing. We should have gone there instead. Looks like no more chance to have the wanton mee that he loves so much.

27 sept 14 :: simple things in life

Look it's 圆仔~!

I guess the most comforting moment is the time before you fall asleep... slapping on the moisturiser, climbing on to bed with the fluffy sheets. Talking bout the things that happened in the day. Make plans for breakfast and activities for the next day. Squeezing in the bed too small for two.

Simple things in life.

Frog porridge for supper tonight. I used to squirm at the thought of eating those little green evil things. Until few weeks ago, Charles brought me for frog porridge together with his new colleagues. I guess they didn't taste as bad as they look.

Glad we live in Toa Payoh... it's so convenient to drive out for food.

26 sept 14 :: Back in the gray

A stranger walked in to my car. He sat there talked a lot, about his feelings, about what apparently supposed to relate to me. I did not understand a single word, or did I relate. He stared straight in front. Never a second turn to look at me. I sat quietly beside, looking him in the eye. Trying to find my standing.

Suddenly I realised, he was the person I've been going out with for the past 3 years, 6 months, 11 days. Suddenly it occurred to me; this scenario, it happened before. The words he said, the look on the face. He wanted me to hate him.

I started arguing. Blabbering.

I don't know if he noticed, but in my insane, unsound state of mind, I knew that I said so many things that contradicted myself. It seem it didn't matter. No one was listening.

He uttered even more words. Suddenly, I felt anger for the first time in a long while. Suddenly, I had so much strength. I hit a person for the first time. I hit so hard; I think I wanted hit the evilness away. I was shouting for him to leave the car, but I was holding on to him so tight.

My heart never felt a pain like this. I knew this evil person was not the person I knew. It's not this face, not this voice. I was lost.

In that second, I broke down. I didn't know what I was fighting for anymore. All my courage and righteousness abandoned me.

He left the car along with them.

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I sat at the other door, wondering what the hell just happened.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar comforting voice outside my door. The one that made sure everything would be alright. The one that I knew I could count on. It was 大圆圆.

Did I hit the evilness away?

He scooted me in to the car, and sat right behind me. His big arms pulled me into him. A spot that I was so familiar with. For a while, everything just felt so right.

Turns out, we are both just selfish people holding on to what we want. Both thinking we need to move on, that it would be for the best for both of us. But still... unsure if the brave front we are each putting on will crumble one day.

I guess, we are both waiting for someone right to come along. Some one special who would lead us out of the black-and-white. I haven't, I guess he didn't too.

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From this night forward, again, we changed from Charles and Chelsea to...

Charles, and Chelsea.

24 sept 14 :: Giving up

If I meant anything, do something.

22 sept 14 :: How to love a Libra

www.wikihow.com/Love-a-Libra

Step 3: Hold on to my heart.

Never tell a Libra to follow her heart. Cus if she does, and she leaves you, she's gone forever.

Night ended with a kinda-romantic dinner with C along Orchard Road. We were enjoying the night breeze, with a kebab each in our hands... listening to Boyce Avenue singing.

2 aug :: Crazy night out

14 feb 14 :: Perfect Love ♡

This Valentine's day was a little special. I kept procrastinating this post as I didn't know which angle i should write from… this is the third Valentine's day with Charles. I seriously can't remember what happened on the last two.

And till the very last minute before meeting him, i was so sure that he would bill on me.

For those who didn't know, Charles is not a person who would remember the special dates. Birthdays are no big deal… let alone valentines.

So on this day, Charles picked me from work. I made him wait, while I finished up some stuff.

We were in the car… and he surprised me. Like really really surprised me, with a bouquet of tulips.

I guess he didn't know, that tulips are a symbol of perfect love.

He was never a flower person… but that night he said, "You happy can already!" Which I was!

So Thank You for this night. It was really special… and important.

24 feb 14 :: wharf with Charles

Super shiok shiok shook dinner after work. Much much loves for the pork at Wharf.\

22 feb 14 II :: MLTR!!!

Surprised Mommy, Godma and Ee with Michael Learns To Rock concert movie tix for Christmas. The bigger surprised was that Cheryl and I would be going too!

We basically grew up listening to MLTR~ It was the most popular hits at my Dad's pub when we were kids. 25 minutes, That's Why, Wild Women~

The concert was crazy. We practically sang along to all the songs.

Went over to Bedok for dinner. Charles came over to join us for dinner too!